Foreign Affairs

The Sunday Times, May 6, 2007
By Mak Mun San


When people of two races marry, even something like where you cut your nails can be a problem

ONE couple gets gawped at by strangers when they ride on the MRT together.

Another visit both a church and a Hindu temple every week to accommodate each other's religion.

Then there is the pair who painstakingly learnt - and are still learning - to speak each other's mother tongue.

When it comes to love, nothing can come between two people, certainly not different nationalities, ethnic groups or cultural backgrounds.

As Singapore welcomes more immigrants, more Singaporeans are also welcoming foreign spouses into their lives.

Statistics point to an upward trend. The proportion of non-Muslim inter-ethnic group marriages has almost doubled, from 6.8 per cent in 1995 to 12 per cent in 2005, according to the Department of Statistics.

Inter-ethnic here means marriages contracted between people of different ethnic groups, such as Caucasian grooms with Chinese brides, Chinese grooms with Korean brides and Indian grooms with Caucasian brides.

For many mixed couples, falling in love with a foreigner was the last thing they expected to do.

Take communications manager Rachel Lo-Stevenson, 28, who is married to copywriter Lawrence Stevenson, 29, from South Africa.

'I especially found Caucasians quite suspect,' the Chinese Singaporean says with a laugh. 'You know all these expats. They think they can come to Singapore, just pick up an Asian girl and you're going to fall head over heels in love with them. It's so not the case.'

So while it was love at first sight for him - they met in 2001 at a party at Centro, the night before her birthday - it took her a month to succumb to his charms.

On why she finds him attractive, she says simply: 'He makes me laugh.'

But convincing her folks that this 'gwai lo' (Cantonese for Westerner) is The One took a much longer time.

When she moved out to live with Mr Stevenson about two months after they met, her mother was so upset she refused to speak to her for a few months.

Her parents have since accepted this 'gwai lo' son-in-law. But they still have to deal with less open-minded Singaporeans who stare at them openly in public places like the MRT and heartland malls.

The Stevensons, who live in a four-room flat in Tanjong Pagar, are keen to dispel the myth that expatriates earn 'gazillion millions a year'.

'It's not true that if you find a foreign spouse, he's always very rich,' says Ms Lo-Stevenson.

Another couple, Mr Sanjay Prem, 35, and his wife Amirtha Kavri, 29, do not get funny looks from strangers as they are both Indians, albeit one from India, and the other from Singapore.

But there is one major difference: Madras-born Mr Prem is a Christian while Ms Kavri is a Hindu.

'It's not an issue for me at all, but it took my mother some time to come round to the idea,' says Mr Prem, an engineer who has been working here since 1998.

'She has always had this picture of me getting married in a church, and so when we held our wedding ceremony in a Hindu temple here, she broke down.'

The couple have reached a comfortable arrangement in which they accompany each other when they visit their respective Protestant church or temple. Their two children, aged three and 16 months old, are Hindus but go to church as well.

Religion aside, Ms Kavri, who is a stay-at-home mum, admits she does sometimes feel discriminated against by his Indian expat friends.

'Some of them feel superior because they come to Singapore as intellectuals whereas our ancestors came here as lowly labourers,' she says.

'But my husband always assures me that he does not have that mindset or he would not have married a Singapore girl.'

For teacher Terence Khoo, falling for a Japanese woman was a 'convenient excuse' to learn another language, as he jokingly puts it.

Besides English and Mandarin, the 40-year-old also speaks French.

He met his IT trainer wife Naoko Honda, 34, at a seminar in 2004 and they married last November. Although both can communicate perfectly well in English, they made a pact to learn each other's mother tongue as a mark of respect and love.

Says Ms Honda: 'Chinese language is closest to his heart. That's what he uses when he talks to his family and friends, too. I know I'd make him very happy if I master it one day.'

Asked how good his Japanese is now, he quips: 'Good enough to say 'I love you', but not enough to recite an entire love poem.'